*waves excitedly*

Hi there! Just wanted to introduce myself. I'm your average, everyday garden variety food addict who is putting one foot in front of the other to overcome my addictions..

addiction(s)... I have a few.

Coffee. Yes, thank you.
Food. Yea, okay.. in moderation, thank you :)
Biking. YES!
Beads.. oh hell yes.
Glass and all things glassy.. mmmmm.. more please!

To name a few..

I have no problem consuming any of the above in chaotic amounts unless you're talking about of course donuts.. chips.. cookies.. brownies.. gooey butter cake.. (omg have you had that stuff? good LORD its good) and watermelon.. and the list goes on.

So, about me.. three years ago I was diagnosed at 34 years of age with type 2 diabetes. *fuck* Just stamp my forehead with fat looser and get it over with will ya?

How does a girl that has spent her whole life over-achieving and being SO careful about life choices get effing diabetes?

Well remember that gooey butter cake stuff I was just drooling all over my keyboard for? yea.. that's a start.

So Joy and I were talking today about foods and our love/hate relationships with it and she suggested that I come over here to whine a little bit more about the fact that I am again, lowering my carbs. *sulk*

I'd already taken them down from about 250 to 150 a day. That seemed so unattainable as it were .. and now you're asking me to do it again? Another 50 shaved off my already paltry diet? Just kill me now would ya?

In the past 3 years I've been forced to take a good hard look at my pitiful relationship with myself and my lack of attentiveness to my body. And I have made some awesome strides. I lost a ton of weight. Yep. A good start. I got off sugar. Another good start. I cut my calorie intake way back. Yay! I started biking fanatically.. yay! Go me right? Yea.. then I hit a huge bump in the road and lost my doctor... went off diabetes meds and started to lose my fight.

Good news came in the form of a Civil Union law in Illinois, where I happen to reside. I was now able to be on my wives insurance, provided she still wanted to "civilly unite" with me ;) Lucky me.. she was.

We rushed our bums down to the courthouse and became lucky gays number 44 to do the deed. Sweet.

I had insurance a week later. And a really good endo guy 2 weeks later.

He put me on some nice meds that kept my sugars down while I squandered my calorie intake as well as my carb intake all over the damn place. I cheated and flailed like a fish out of water. Wooo!! I was 9 months unmedicated and was so unable to eat pretty much ANYthing because my sugars would spike. Well yea.. fool.. you're diabetic.. you NEED meds.

Prior to this all going down and going off meds I'd gotten my A1C from a lofty 11 down to an impressive 5.5 all on metformin. Now, IMHO metformin was a relatively uneffective drug. I was doing all of this because I was now addicted to biking and could eat a lot of things that I shouldn't be able to because I'd gotten so in shape from riding..

Fast forward 8 months ... no meds.. a night of a bit of cheating.. didn't take my sugars prior to the next morning.. went on a bike ride and unbeknownst to me my sugars were WELL over 300!! I was unbelievably sick after that ride. Almost didn't make it back home. Could have easily had a heart attack.

Wake up call for me.

After being a total dork about food when I got back on good meds I got the bad eating out of my system and ... The Universe intervened.

The meds were working to lower my sugars.. but they were causing horrible side effects.. med change.. ASAP.

Doc put me on a drug that I SWORE I would never go on again.. Its a med that MAKES you eat every 2 - 3 hours or you will find yourself on your face with no sugar in your system. And it happens JUST that fast. Shit. Now what?

Discipline. Yea.. right. That's SO not me. Im your typical off the wall artist.. flightly.. all over the map.. work when I want.. do what I want.. pshaw to discipline!

A week ago at Walmart .... me shoveling a snickers into my face because I almost pass out.. forgot to eat.. Dumbass.. CANT forget. *sigh*

So in all of this.. I've gotten lax about my biking.. my muscles are not what they used to be.. remember that bad bike ride I had? Im not quite over that and being all artsy I am sensitive as hell. Takes me a while to recover from things. So.. im still working on that. In the meantime my insulin resistance has gone WAY up.. which basically means.. less muscle mass.. less ways to actually use the insulin that I make.. higher sugars.

I was FLOUNDERING. I had to do something fast.

Why was I so protein phobic again? Oh right.. labs.. I have high cholesterol. Hm.. I have high triglycerides too.. What gives. Where do I have wiggle room to make changes? Cholesterol means saturated fats = protein. Triglycerides means too much carbs... and I'll be damned if I live on veggies alone. No way!

So something gave.. I learned that if you eat lots of GOOD fats like olive oil and nuts and fish oil you can combat a high protein diet and lower carbs like crazy..

So now.. I eat 6 - 8 times a day. Large amounts of protein. I've gotten my carbs down to a healthy 80 - 100 (sometimes less) a day. I have WAY less spikes.. and when I take my sugars when its time to eat.. I am happy to report they are lower than average.. they run around 70 - 80. Now, I could stand to bring my sugars up a little bit but just let me enjoy these new numbers! Please!! So much better than 190... 220... SO much better.

And my ENERGY levels! I'll be back on my baby (bike) soon!! Then I can increase my carbs a tiny bit on the days that I ride and all will be kosher.

I feel like Im starting all over again.. again. I keep doing this and I might have to do it again. I just keep trying to unlearn all my old habits and make new ones. Im back to cooking again. Tonight we had a great chicken, wild rice, mushroom and leek soup with a gigantic salad with lots of good fats.. sunflower seeds and olive oil dressing. Full as a tick.. 15 carbs. Hell yes!

My struggle is every day.. every minute.. My success is every day.. every minute too..

I eat every 2 hours and 45 minutes and every 2 hours and 45 minutes I am faced with making good, healthy choices. Its hard. Its damn hard. And I don't always make PERFECT choices.. but I am always TRYING.

So.. Hi. I'm Payton, and I'm a food addict. Lover of all things ... food.. and otherwise. And it's nice to meet you. Thanks for reading "me".
:)